Denabear Time

Join me on #MyMentalIllnessJourney where I’m #KillingPTSDErryDay from the effects of Childhood Neglect, Molestation, Rape, Sexual Assault During Military Service, Traumatic Brain Injuries, Constant Anxiety, Deep Depression with my #420GoodVibesforVets, #CocoaBeachKetoQueenness my awesome man the #CocoaBeachNativeChiroBoy constantly by my side, and a deep seeding unwillingness to give up!

My stage in therapy these days? Rewriting my resentment story about momster. Man is it fucking hard. Not only am I dealing with the constant issues with her…i.e. texting her to tell her I love her. I’m such a masochist. In spite of everything, I get nothing but radio silence back. So, I’m not putting anymore of my effort into her. I’m actively rewriting my story. I used the monies returned to me to open up the Denabear, LLC business checking account. Thanks Momster for the support! I had to take a break for a few days from the blog to attend to some personal business. I finally came forward with my #MeToo moment. It’s something that completely derailed my life. When a friend is no longer a friend but an assaulter. It has taken the wind out of my sails the last few days and I am one that needs to recharge my batteries by taking time away to do for myself. But I must not let this get me down. Damn the Man! Save the Empire! Continue reading

Today has been amazing. A day filled with self love and self care. Here it is only lunch time and I’m so happy. My happiness tends to peak around 3 to 4 pm. I’ve had a rough few weeks. My fiance has noticed that my fuse has been funning much shorter than normal. We’ve been butting heads a lot lately on our communication styles. We are both so used to walking on egg-shells is hard to make the switch. The transition has been rough. Or is it that I’m getting all this pent up frustration out finally and projecting on him all the time? Probably the latter. Have you ever had a mentor tell you to leave work at work? I don’t have a job. My work is me! There is no door. Figuring out my head is a full time job and it’s exhausting.  I attempt to leave my emotional baggage at the door when it’s time for us to be together, but fuuuccckkkk. Always projecting. So many egg shells around us. It’s something I’m working very hard on. Labeling it when other people seem to be tagging in on the action of projection train.

Step 1 is accepting that I have flaws.
Step 2 is being more mindful of my flaws. By doing this I first start to recognize the behavior in other people. I’ve always been hyper sensitive to my surroundings. As well as other people’s moods.
Step 3 is not to correct the other person but empathize with what the struggle that person may be going through. Don’t take it personally!
Step 4 start noticing it in myself so that I can halt the internal pattern. If the flaw does not serve a purpose that is… Some flaws should be lauded. Celebrated even. It’s our flaws and imperfections that make us perfectly imperfect human beings. Knowing the difference between the two helps my into growth into an eternally mindful global citizen.

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Some times I just need to clear my head. Especially with the current climate with Momster! The best way for me to do that is in the kitchen to fuel my body with healthy food that tastes delicious. I love cooking. I love keto. I love taking care of my man in the kitchen! Sooo I decided to share how I really got into it yesterday! I referred to the ‘Ol Farmers Almanac and realized it was a baking day. Carpe diem bitch!

The Menu:

  • Prosciutto Wrapped Sea Scallop appetizer
  • Sea Scallop Chorizo Portobello Pizzas
  • Side salad

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I guess my new hair do has caused some concern for people. Especially in the light of it being “that time” for me. Not not my period assholes, I’d never have hair if I hacked it off every time I felt the surge of the crimson tide. Next Sunday is the three year anniversary of my world coming to a crashing halt. It was a regular day at work and I was doing cardio on the elliptical. My second @Fighter_Diet session of the day. Luckily the base I worked had extremely restricted access. The gym was basically all mine. I was pushing hard when my phone rang. It’s a ringtone I know well. It only goes off when something is wrong. It’s that startling alarm tone iPhones have. You know that one. The one no one in their right mind can sleep through because you’re in a fallout shelter…yep that’s it. My brother was calling. All he said was dad’s gone…

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