Denabear Time

Join me on #MyMentalIllnessJourney where I’m #KillingPTSDErryDay from the effects of Childhood Neglect, Molestation, Rape, Sexual Assault During Military Service, Traumatic Brain Injuries, Constant Anxiety, Deep Depression with my #420GoodVibesforVets, #CocoaBeachKetoQueenness my awesome man the #CocoaBeachNativeChiroBoy constantly by my side, and a deep seeding unwillingness to give up!

It’s another day in the life. I’m actually laying on a chiropractic table right now getting some electro shock therapy to my back. It’s been a day full of validation. I’ve been waiting MONTHS to go to an endocrinologist. Today was my day! Even though all my doctors were skeptical that I had hypothyroidism (I’m not fat enough they say…well pair hypothyroidism with disordered eating and you get a skinny fat person…aka me). I’ve been battling brittle hair and nails, temperature intolerance, dry skin every where but my face…all those symptoms and more since I can remember! Shit when I was little my standard temperature was 97.2. Not 98.6. Finally a specialist in the field validated my feelings of overwhelming fatigue all the time with the diagnosis of hypothyroidism. I’ve been trying to find out why I’m extraordinarily tired all the time for years…YEARS I TELL YOU!!! FINALLY!!

I hear all the time, but I look fine…I’m a crazy person when it comes to my weight. It’s an issue. I’ll go on a starvation diet for a few days just to get the scale to look right. I know it’s not healthy or sane for that fact. It’s freaking ingrained. So, I’ve been rocking these Beachbody workouts for nearly two months. I follow a strict Keto diet, and have been following it for 10 months. The results still are barely visible. I’ve been fighting an uphill battle with my body. According to the Dr. Tai, associated with the Brazilian-American Academy for Integrative & Regenerative Medicine, aka the peeps that have been treating my adrenal fatigue, I’ve gone from being on the cusp of adrenal fatigue to full blown, no kidding my cortisol levels have tanked, I’m in adrenal fatigue. There’s only so much of the fight I can do on my own. After 8 weeks of training and watching my diet, I should be seeing improvement by now. My clothes still fit the same, my measurements haven’t changed much. I’m not winning my fight. Therefore, I throw my hands up to science. Exercise, diet, lifestyle…they just aren’t cutting it. Thyroid drugs it is. Maybe I’ll have an update in 4-6 weeks!

The reason I started this blog was to share the journal of my day to day struggles. A child that came from a family with sexual abuse, emotional neglect that turned into an adult that later faced several sexual assaults, has a lot of issues on the daily. I publish these things I do to get my mind, body and soul into a healthy balance with the idea, if it helps me, maybe it will help someone else. Feeling lonely is something that is completely unnecessary today. Everywhere on social media there is a group of people just like you, begging for you to join their ranks. Never feel like the odd man out again. I’m new to this blogging community and know I have much more to offer than what I’ve been doing so far. I have fallen in love with being able to feel the emotional release from allowing truthful words to come out of my fingertips for all to read. For a peer to make notice my work as worthy for recognition is astonishing. The gratitude I have fills my heart! All I wanted to do was help one person with my crazy stories and the day to day struggle, and I have found a community of people that accept me for who I am. My real ugly truth, which has ironically turned beautiful in the end. Carbon doesn’t turn into diamonds without immense pressure!

So what in the ef am I babbling about anyway you ask? The blog says this is about an award or some shit?…It is! The Sunshine Blogger Award is a peer driven award to recognize inspirational, positive, talent in the community. And holy mutha f*** I got a nomination! Can’t believe it! I actually really can’t…I appreciate Carrie, my blog mental illness sister in arms for the nomination. Please take some time to check out her blog Bipolar in Order: A Confessional. She’s such a gorgeous soul with an awesome cat infatuation and so much to say on the mental illness stigma society faces today. I love getting notifications for when she has a new post! I’m a newborn blogger. This is completely unexpected. Don’t count me out, I expect big things from me in the future!

So here we go…

Rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you in your blog post and link back to his/her blog.
  • Answer 11 questions that the blogger asked you.
  • Nominate (at least) 11 new bloggers to receive the award and write 11 questions for them to answer.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post on your blog.

The Questions I was asked:

  1. What are you most proud of about yourself (non-academic or professionally)? I’m proud of my time spent in the military. Without it I feel lost.
  2. What keeps you going through all of your ups, downs, and diagonals? I really don’t know…I’ve got my dark angel in the shadows on my back always looking out for me, but I have a uninhibited will to live that my no matter how dark my mind gets, my inner animal doubles down with primal instinct to live.
  3. Which member of your family, immediate or distant, has influenced and inspired you the most? (alive or not) My mother has influenced and inspired me the most. I push so hard everyday to be the best person I can be because of her. She taught me to put a smile on my face and tough through the hard times when necessary. A lesson that has been put to use many times over in my life. Without her tough love I’d be nothing today.
  4. Which figure in history has influenced and inspired you the most? I hate this question. Sorry Carrie. I feel like I have a person that has influenced each chapter of my life. Since this chapter is very new I’m still trying to find out who my biggest influencers are. I seek inspiration on a daily basis from everywhere because I’m constantly evolving.
  5. What is your spirit animal? The test said Sea Turtle
  6. What is your creative/emotional outlet besides blogging? Music! I can lose myself in some jams. Or fuel a fire if I’m pissed, haha. I’m pretty sensitive to auditory cues so banging some EDM is a way for me to calm the inner voices and enjoy the here and now.
  7. How have you advocated for mental health (illness) awareness in your family and/or community? I let most people I come across know that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a Traumatic Brain Injury. I feel like I’m a poster child for someone that looks uber healthy but has a laundry list of issues. I use all of this to bring awareness to anyone I come into contact with to stop the stigma against mental health awareness and mental illness and instead start the conversation to begin healing.
  8. Do you go to therapy and/or are you in any support groups? I attend therapy weekly. I go through withdrawals if I miss!
  9. Have you had any difficulties regarding conventional work and employment? If so, what have they been and what have you had to do? I was medically retired from the military with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It affects my everyday life. Most of the time I have to drag myself out of bed, convince myself  life is worth living, oh and if I want to leave my house, that’s a whole other pep talk. My anxiety cut my engineering student time short as well. Classrooms full of strangers, my feeling stupid…I’m learning how to become a citizen of the world from home.
  10. What is one act of self-care you practice on a daily basis? I aspire to meditate everyday for self-care, as I write I realize I haven’t today, or yesterday, or the day before that. I use travel as a terrible excuse. I’m really bad at self-care. Most of the time I don’t feel like I’m worthy of taking time for myself. Batshit! Right? For the last nearly 60 days I’ve been devoted to doing a Beachbody workout daily. That’s really given me some mental focus and well as physical flexibility and strength,
  11. Do you know that I am here for you and you are validated? Validation is the balm for all ailments. I appreciate you Carrie! Being treated for PTSD is very similar to being treated for Bipolar 2. My medicines are identical to that of a person with Bipolar. Mental illness is an illness unlike any other. It cannot go untreated because it will get worse. This is why I call you my mental illness soul sister. We found each other on this mental illness journey I’m documenting for the world to witness.

My nominees for the award:

  1. Christie @lynnsaddiction1
  2. BeautyBeyondBones @AnaRevealed
  3. Cheri @CannabisCheri
  4. James @JamesEdgarSkye
  5. Telling The Truth
  6. Motivated to Lose Weight @LoseWeightMotv8
  7. Erin @erin.fado
  8. Goddessing From the Heart @Goddessingheart
  9. Parental Alienation
  10. Patricia J. Grace
  11. The Second Wound

Questions for the nominees:

  1. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
  2. Why did you start blogging?
  3. Where’s your favorite travel destination?
  4. Cats or Dogs?
  5. Do you have any rituals to get in the mood to blog?
  6. You have the $100,000 for travel expenses and a month off…what’s the plan? (if you don’t have a passport assume you do!)
  7. The last three books you read?
  8. What’s another hobby you have aside from blogging?
  9. How do you fit blogging into your daily?
  10. What’s a good piece of advice you can give to newbie bloggers?
  11. What’s your favorite blog post you’ve authored?

2 thoughts on “Sunshine Blogger Award Nominees

  1. 925brands says:

    Keep sharing, stay motivated

    1. denabear84 says:

      Thanks so much! 🙏🏼 this means the world!

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